For the times I wanted
by the former anime-luney
Summary: YAOI. KotetsuXshikamaru. A drabble. Kotetsu didn't realize when he'd started to, but somewhere along the line he had fallen for the Nara. M to be safe, but not really bad


Yis, I am alive. Yis, this is KotetsuXshikamaru. It is yaoi, so no complaining about thatm kk? Read my profile for info on the other story of mine...I hope you like this. I did it mainly because I've never read the pairing. xD So it was off the top of my head and in 30 minutes...but anyway, do enjoy and leave a review. As many say, it means a lot.

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He didn't know when he had started to like the Nara. Probably back when the boy was trying to become a Chuunin, and it was Kotetsu and another's job to trick the ninja's attempting.

Shikamaru had seen through it, faster then the blond and his teammates that arrived later on had.

That would mean from the first time they met.

Shit. And Shikamaru probably didn't know his name to begin with. Not that Kotetsu had figured out his feelings to fast. He was damn near slower then the blond, Naruto!

When the brunette had been fighting with the fan girl, Temari, he had been holding his breath, cheering. He had told himself at the time that it was because he was rooting for Konoha, not wanting the sand to win. In a way he was, he supposed.

But as he pinned his crushes hands above his head and licked his cheek below the eye where they were shut tight, he knew he'd been in denial. He'd had the crush without realizing it, up until the sand attacked and he heard through the grapevine, once the fighting was over, that Shikamaru had been sent on what amounted to a suicidal mission.

As he worked on cleaning up the bodies, his mind could only register that he might have to bury Shikamaru. That that little genius would have his name carved onto the stone at the age of 12.

Just the memory of those thoughts made him cling, for just a moment, to the now writhing boy. The tears of both pleasure and pain from the younger mixed with his, swirling away in the heat of their actions.

It had been such a terrible relief when he had heard Shikamaru made it. It made him realize how attached he had grown from a distance and that he liked the boy much more then friend or comrade. So much more, like a fire that is so warm it nearly burns, just nearly.

On the tail of this thought, came the understanding that the other must not even know who he is.

Love is fickle and cruel.

When he heard about the injuries, he had made sure he was one of the ninja's on scene to help the fallen Sasuke retrieval party. He was hit with a hybrid feeling of utter joy and disappointment, each dipped in fear. Fear of how much he'd fallen, to feel the happiest in a long time when he heard the words 'minor injury' and saw the boy with only a broken finger. Fear because he felt that trace of disappointment, sadness that the Nara hadn't gotten hurt, and he couldn't help him recover.

Because would he ever get close otherwise?

He'd ended up being set up on the helping staff to the Hyuuga instead. His mind always wandered back to a pony tailed youth, and those monotonous hours were static-edged now.

His hip movement increased, pushing into Shikamaru freely, the teen clawing at his back from the change in pace. His first time with a man.

Kotetsu basked in the pleasure of it, even as an illogical coldness filled him at not being the first. He still remembered watching the beginnings of puberty in his crush, his secret love. Enjoyed watching his shoulders start the process of filling out, developing so slow the eye didn't catch it until you suddenly weren't looking down to meet eyes.

His jealousy over Asuma was worse every time he saw Shikamaru with him. The day he died, Kotetsu had felt horrible for every time his stomach knotted in anger. He'd offered up a well meaning, insidious shoulder.

The genius had been wary at first. He'd wondered why this random Ninja that he remembered from off and on meetings was being so kind. When he had put two and two together and was able to discern Kotetsu's intentions through the connect-a-dot of hints, he confronted him.

One thing led to another and he and Shikamaru had agreed on doing this, just this once, on the eve of Shikamaru leaving.

Leaving to go fight the Akatsuki that killed his sensei. The Akatsuki that murdered Asuma in front of him.

Kotetsu didn't mind, much. He had lived the last 2 or so years thinking he'd never get to tell the chuunin his feelings, let alone take him in bed.

Just this once.

The conversation that led to this was fuzzy, as he spilled out inside his crush. His love. The little sounds of ecstasy that slipped out of the others luscious lips made Kotetsu's stomach flip-flop and churn. He collapsed down next to him, pulling out of the spent genius.

Shikamaru's less-narrow chest rose and fell, nipples standing out. He looked pale on Kotetsu's bed, sweaty sheen making him seem like a dream.

Kotetsu reached out to him, gripping his hand and kissing his forefinger, the one that had been injured so long ago.

"For the times I wanted. Do good again, Shikamaru."

The soft sound of breathing told him the boy had passed out. He smiled, and pulled him in close.

"Just this once."

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OMG. I hate the length. D; I really do. Sorry guys...It seams so...ugh...short. And is. Gawd...Really sorry...please review if you liked despite the horrible length of it all.


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